The advantage that humans have over robots is that we are connected to God. Computers and robots can out-compute us, outsmart us, and work without tiring, eating, or having personal problems. Yet humans have the ability for a higher kind of thinking – we can connect to a higher form of energy and thought that transcends the physical, even the cerebral. When we exercise that type of thinking, we are working in our unique advantage, and in our Godliness.

We are created in God’s image. Which means we are artists, creators like Him. When we create, we are God-like. We exist in the flow, the theta state, the realm outside of time, the dimension of one-ness, peace and tranquility, the kingdom of God. We are in the zone. We vibrate high, and that’s where we meet God. We realize we are one with Him, with that energy, and there is no separation. He created us and we are Him.

Perhaps the next evolutionary step of humankind is to learn to apply thinking / free will without letting it destroy  / consume us. Life situations present many choices. But living in the now is the divinely inspired choice.


Last night I dreamt about a point of light that pulsed then traveled and duplicated. It then started extrapolating and branching off like tendrils off of a vine. It felt like the light was talking to me. It was communicating, trying to tell me something. It was a language of light. It was very beautiful and mysterious. It was kind. Just the fact that it was trying to communicate makes it kind. It was hopeful. Something small but big. Listen carefully, listen with your heart. It felt wonderful, magical, sweet and intimate. It was just for me. The universe expressing a message to me in another dimension. It was like watching someone type a message on a computer screen… the pulsing like a cursor in Word, just like I’m typing now. The cadence similar to that of someone typing. The waiting for a thought to flow, an idea to emerge, to seek understanding. I think there was another point also, a red one. They connected once then separated. Neither good nor bad, they just were. Both wanting to be seen and understood without judgment. Maybe that’s the message. Without judgment. So easily said. So hard in practice. Words always carry a resonance and can be heard differently depending on the receptor. And yet they are only like those points of light. Just transmissions looking for a home. There is no right or wrong, only the hope of understanding. There is so much misunderstanding in the world. It makes me want to cry.


When you expand your consciousness, there is nothing left but to forgive
Because you can see all sides. 
You see how it all makes sense. 
The Divine Consciousness sees everything, and it all fits together perfectly. 
There is no right or wrong. 
That's what's meant by neutrality in this respect. 
Even the pressure is good. It makes diamonds. It holds things in. 
Gravity stops us from spinning off into space. And it makes us fall. 
The Buddha smiles because from the Divine Perspective, 
It's all OK. 

Today I forgave
Seeing is forgiving
I saw where you were coming from
And understood
Compassion flowed
Heart opened
Forgiveness flowed
Or should I say
There was nothing left to forgive? 
For understanding erases all resentment. 
Forgiveness is not so much an act as a perspective. 


Pain is not all bad. It can be transmuted into beauty. It’s where you know you are alive, it’s the essence of all life. You become fully present, fully immersed in your being, aware of every sensation, emotional and physical, living in the moment. I feel therefore I am. I felt that on Christmas Day. I felt like I had the worst PMS, cramps, moodiness, depressed feeling. And yet somehow, I transmuted it. I stepped through it, reveled in it, wallowed in it and found clarity and peace. Pain is a gift. Without it, we would never know pleasure, art, compassion, connection. On this dimension, pain is a sweet instrument of deliverance and redemption. We know God when we are in pain.

We think of Heaven as a place where everything is perfect and good, and there is no evil or anything bad of any kind. But what if Heaven is actually a state of being where you accept all that is, the bad along with the good? When we fully understand our trauma is also our best gift, we are healed and redeemed. When we realize our suffering has purpose and meaning, we transmute it into grace. We turn pain into power. We turn fear into love. Jesus had to die on the cross to give his greatest gift. There has to be dark for there to be light. So then, maybe Heaven is not the absence of darkness but the making of peace with it.  

Eckhart Tolle talked about transmuting the pain body – ie. Accepting the darkness and bringing it to light instead of fighting it. He advises to make the now moment your ally even if it’s seemingly unpleasant. Do not judge it. This reminded me of years ago, when Cassidy was Skylar’s age, I realized that there are pros and cons to everything. At this time, I was practicing self-hypnosis and was starting to learn to master my mind. This deep knowing of the existence of pros and cons to everything led me to practice always recognizing this in every moment, even the unpleasant ones. And it was transformative. Now, instead of jumping to a negative judgment of any given circumstance, I immediately looked for and found the positive side. It was always there, once I sought it out. Every cloud has a silver lining. And as you focus on that lining, it seems the cloud even disappears, and the light is all you can see.

Pain, I love you. 
You clutch me in your grip. 
You squeeze the juice out of me.
You show me who I am. 
You teach me humility, strength, endurance and compassion. 
You turn me inside out
And its deepest darkness, 
My soul becomes its own light
You're a mirror through which I connect with the world. 



I listened to a podcast with Matthew Maconnaughy yesterday talking about his book, Greenlights. He talked about how giving to charity and helping people are truly selfish acts because they make you feel so good. I used to think that too. But now I think selfish is the wrong word to use here. Helping one another is our highest form of self-actualization and happiness and evidence of our God-like nature. It’s why the Bible says man was created in the image of God. Selfishness has a negative connotation and does not begin to describe the sublime nature of this beautiful and elegant design.

Are we here to help others? It seems that’s the highest form / source of happiness. Giving to others makes us feel abundant, God-like. It’s redemptive, cathartic, serene. If it’s not out of ego, it brings our hearts together. Kindness can connect us and raise us up to our higher selves. So yes, in a way, it’s selfish to give to others if we are seeking that feeling. And yet, being selfish is ok if it’s connecting you to your higher self. Keep going. Keep being selfish in that way. Go higher and higher. Others will naturally come with you. And yet they are not your responsibility. Focus on your own ascension. That’s all you can do. The more focused you are on this, the better for everyone. Be selfish in this way for the good of all.

Giving is not a way to manipulate getting in return. However, in giving, I unblock the energy and allow it to flow. Don’t hold on too tight. Give, and the energy starts to flow again. Give, receive. Exhale, inhale. You cannot inhale if you don’t exhale. You have to make space for it.

The Apex of the Lion’s Gate Portal

Ascension is always there ~ as accessible and easy as falling asleep, as dying. It’s another dimension. I saw the portal open above me and it closed as I woke up last night. Be the warrior, not the worrier. Rise into your power, your highest self for the good of all. Step out of fear, anxiety, stress, the karmic cycle of self-doubt, shame and judgment. Choose to be free. On the other side of fear is freedom. Step into love. Be love. Be a vessel for love. Be no longer the poor child. Stand in your power. You don’t fit in because you were brought here to make a change.
Today, I felt love everywhere
There are hearts on my daughter's bathrobe
Someone lovingly created that pattern in the fabric
And stitched it into a child's robe with love
Outside, I smelled the sweet spices of my neighbor's authentic Indian cooking
Complex flavors a recipe handed down with love through the generations
A young mother and father out with their two children for a bike ride - 
Awkwardly looking behind them to make sure they're safe, showing their love in taking them for a family ride even though it's hard. 
The sun dappled trees and the leaves fluttering down to their rate happily returning to the Earth. 
Even the air, brimming with nutrients in perfect balance to support and energize our bodies. 
The music in my ears having been created with emotion and passion, lovingly recorded, distributed and shared with me, so I connect heart-to-heart with another human whom I'll never meet. 
Everywhere is so much love
It's just amazing and vibrant. 
Can you see it? 

The Ego

“You can either be a host to God or a hostage to your ego.”

– Dr. Wayne Dyer

The ego is not all bad. It’s the ribbon that holds us together through the continuum of time and our experiences. Yet it can also hold us back from recognizing our one-ness with others. It gives us a false sense of separation and that can cause anxiety, stress and loneliness. Learning to detach from our ego and our experiences allows us to see our selves moving up the karmic wheel vertically in the eternal moment of now instead of transgressing in a linear fashion. We are blooming rather than plodding forward and all that we are and will become is already in us. 

Drinking is a way of avoiding suffering – for me, stress, boredom, anxiety, frustration – and yet, like that children’s book, “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt,” you can’t go around it and you can’t go under it, you have to go through it. Avoiding our negative emotions means we can’t resolve them, learn from them, grow from them, and thus we keep repeating the same karmic patterns, the same neural networks, over and over and over. By not drinking, I have had to unload some pretty heavy karma, and it takes time. But now, instead of going around and around, I can finally go through it. Sometimes our biggest trials become our biggest triumphs. Avoidance robs us of this opportunity. 

Life imitates art imitates life. We are like actors in a film. We agreed to play our roles before we entered the scene. We are victim, aggressor, mother, son, lover, enemy, teacher, student. We put on our roles like custom-fitted costumes and play them out on the stage of free will. We can even change our roles if we have successfully learned the lessons we needed from them and change potentialities, adopt new roles and plot lines. 

Grief and Arancini

Sorrow is the Mother of Compassion

It’s Good Friday and we are 28 days into the quarantine period due to Covid-19. My grandmother, “Granzie” died last week. My heart broke twice; once when she died and again when we learned she tested positive for Coronavirus a few days ago. I hated that she was one of the statistics, those cold, hard numbers reported at the end of the day. She was a strong, strong woman. It doesn’t seem right. 

My other grandmother died only a couple months ago. I never realized how much they are both a part of me until they were gone. 

It’s a funny thing about heartbreak. The only thing that can truly heal it is love; the giving out of love, not the receiving of it. Helping others fills the void, the chasm of the pain. Feeling love, forgiveness, appreciation, they are the balm that heals that wound. Fear and love are the two basic emotions. You can’t feel them both at the same time. You have to choose. All pain and suffering stems from fear. And love can conquer fear. The day we got Granzie’s test results back, I felt so down and dark. Then we brought a neighbor who had thrown her back out some arancini my husband made, and suddenly, love and light lifted my heart up again. 

Beneath the Veil

“Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else.”

– Leonardo DaVinci


The world has been shut down by an invisible force – a virus too small to be detected by the human eye. Is it possible then that the world could awaken by invisible forces too? How many invisible forces have we discovered and how many are still left to discover? Gravity, radio waves, electromagnetic fields, radiation, all of these things we had no idea about, until we did. What have we yet to notice or understand? So much.

I woke up from a dream and in a half-dreaming state, I saw beneath the veil of the universe. Like a Leonardo DaVinci sketch, I saw the harmonics and dynamics layered and intersected with each other in infinite intelligence. Harmonized, concentric, ever-evolving, flowing energy moving happily, gracefully, balls revolving around and among other balls and curving lines. The atom and the cosmos are just the tip of the iceberg. Similar patterns and frequencies and dimensions are happening around us always. Makes me want to read about quantum physics. There’s so much more going on than we’re aware of. Our brains understand a lot but not even close to everything. Like a dog, we pick up on certain words and concepts but can’t comprehend the totality of what’s around us. Our senses can’t perceive it. Our intuitive senses perceive more than our logical brains. Frequencies and vibrations run through us constantly – emotions, thoughts, love, fear. They are invisible and mysterious and yet we know they are there.

I’m a space traveler traveling to other dimensions.


The only Zen you bring to the mountaintop is the Zen you bring there.


Inner fulfillment precedes outer success. When I truly understood and embraced the truth that it is always now, and there is only now, the present moment, and I lived for that, the outer world fell into place. I fully stepped into this realization early this week. Of course, I knew it intellectually and yet I only now really get it. Yesterday, we found out our show premieres on PlutoTV. 

Now is incredible, magnificent and infinite. Now is a sea of possibility, a light wave of eternity, a glimpse into forever, a poignant droplet of time that exists only for us. Every moment is pregnant with choice, imagination, desire and countless opportunities. As much as possible, don’t rush from thing to thing, as I have been guilty of so many times. Feel and connect with the moment. Listen and watch for the signs. They are always there, always around us. Everything is a sign from the universe. Everything that happens happens for a reason, to teach and guide us, bring us closer to God. Every song, every person, every movie, every experience, it’s all for us. Listen and tune in and enjoy it. Forgive others when they trespass against you. This raises your vibration and allows you to live a happier life. Forgiveness is divine. Find it in your heart to thank those who trespass against you for they give you the opportunity to forgive. Forgiveness is a form of gratitude. Say the Lord’s prayer. You are forgiven too for all of your trespasses. We all have them, and it’s Ok. We are forgiven for being human, and we are loved deeply. 

Scientists theorize that in the beginning, the big bang created matter and anti-matter. They destroy each other upon contact, and yet somehow more matter managed to survive. They further speculate that matter particles called neutrinos could have been extremely light and small and also at times, gargantuan and heavy. The deciding factor of which they manifested as was their electrical charge. 

The two primary energies in the universe are love and fear. All emotions stem from those primary vibrations. Maybe what the scientists call neutrinos are those energies. Love and fear, two sides of the same coin, one is heavy, one is light. More matter was created than anti-matter because love conquers fear. Love is more powerful because it brings together rather than tears apart. It has a high vibration that is irresistible. Fear creates disharmony and discord. Love creates and attracts joy and ecstasy. If you had a choice, which would you choose? The fact is, you do. You always do. Every emotion stems from either love or fear, and you always have a choice of which option to take. That’s our free will. Fear will bring you down. Love will lift you up. Next time you have a negative emotion, whether it’s anger, jealousy, hatred, or aggravation, think about whether it could stem from a kind of fear. Could your jealousy really be a fear of not being good enough or a fear of being left out? Could your anger be a fear that someone doesn’t appreciate you enough or a fear of being alone? Could your hatred really be a fear that you’re misunderstood or doomed to fail? Hindsight is 2020 and sometimes it’s easier to see these underlying fears after the fact, yet if you practice asking yourself this question when you experience negative emotion, you’ll find it’s always there. Uncover it and take it out of the shadows. The fear is the real monster, not that person or situation. Acknowledge it and face it. Then fill the chasm of your heartbreak with love. See that person with kindness. Maybe they are hurting. Offer a consolation or even a gratitude. If you can’t do that yet, step away from it and do something kind for someone else. Extend love whatever way you can. Change the charge of the vibration. You have that power. You are a co-creator with the universe. You define your experience with it. The power of the universe is within you. 

By the way, because we are human, this is an ongoing process. I am imperfect and I struggle with anger, fear and everything that comes from it. Yet I’m starting to be more aware of how my ego and emotions can hold me back. By recognizing the fear and bringing it into the light and practicing choosing love, it raises my vibration, helps me be happier and just a better version of myself. Instead of having these negative emotions fester and paralyze me, I can start to use them to pivot and change my reality. They are opportunities now, not roadblocks.  

This is it. 
The growing, the discovering, the learning, the heartache, the soulache, this is what it is. Life. The meat. 
It's not over there. It's not someday. It's here, now. 
This is the beginning and the end.