Shadow Self

When we accept and embrace the parts of ourselves that we previously rejected and shamed, we are practicing a loving surrender to what is and a transmutation of our deepest fears into a recognition, reclamation and fulfillment of our deepest desires. 

In the paradoxical duality of our human predicament, our spirits long to experience all that physical existence has to offer, not only the light but also the dark. In fact, we must know the dark parts of ourselves so that we can appreciate the light. We must fall so we can know ourselves as strong enough to rise again. We must be hurt so that we can heal. We must have anger so that we can know peace. We must feel separate and alone so that we can become one.

Yet in our society, we are raised to feel ashamed of ourselves for having inappropriate desires or negative feelings. So we hide them from the world and even from ourselves. We pretend that if we don’t acknowledge them, they don’t exist. We cover them with layers upon layers of secrecy, shame and guilt. And yet they continue to lurk there, deep in our subconscious. And the incredibly powerful subconscious magnetically attracts the situations, events and relationships that fulfill and reflect those subconscious desires and beliefs, not just once, over and over but in repetitive patterns. We consciously think we don’t want to feel poor, angry, victimized, lonely, scared, stressed, but, like an addict, we keep creating the circumstances that bring these emotions about. We keep reliving the same dramas again and again like a cheesy soap opera. Why? Because like picking a scab or watching a scary movie, it’s perversely satisfying. We do self-destructive things not only because it keeps us in our comfort zone but because we secretly enjoy the way we get to play the powerless victim, be the martyr or stay in survival mode. To stop the subconscious pattern, we must acknowledge and honor the shadowy desire. It’s ok that we have irrational and even conflicting desires. The moment we take them out of the closet, they lose their surreptitious power over us.