Awkward Grace

I have spent much of my life trying to look like a put-together, polished, professional person. I have tried to hide any insecurities and avoided situations and conversations that make me feel uncomfortable or awkward. 

One of those subjects is spirituality. It feels like a touchy subject. I have qualms about bringing it up with my family, friends and strangers unless it's already been established that we are on the same page. I don't enjoy feeling awkward. I don't want anyone to see the chinks in my armor. 

Last year, in New Hampshire, I met a moose on the side of the road. I had always thought of the moose as a kind of funny-looking, ungainly character with a too large head, heavy antlers, a misshapen kind of body and spindly legs. Yet in reality, he was somehow majestic and dignified. He moved slowly, unafraid of the gawking spectators pulled over at the side of the road to photograph him. He eyed us with a sly smile as if he knew something we didn't. A wild animal yet no air of attack or defense around him. 

It turns out that as a spirit animal, the moose represents pride, confidence and strength. And even though he is somewhat bulky and awkward in his appearance, he doesn't mind. Rather, he embodies grace and elegance. That's what I saw in the moose's eyes - a calm confidence and an inner knowing: it's safe to be different. 

I could be like that: graceful not despite my awkwardness but because of it. What's so bad about being awkward anyway? If I take it in stride just like that moose, then it is no longer awkward. Maybe I could be comfortable being uncomfortable, being different. That's where grace is truly found.