Intuition

I still remember standing in my garage by myself in Culver City, a suburb of LA, about 3 months pregnant, and out of nowhere, feeling a quiet thud of knowing: it’s a boy. There was no element of surprise or even excitement. It’s was just like, Oh, it’s a boy. Cool. And that was that, and there was no one who could tell me different.

My son turned 12 last week, and I thought about that moment again. I realized it was the first time I remember feeling such strong intuition, a confident knowing that needed no proof.

I wonder now how many times I ignored my intuition in the years before and after that moment. How many times did I fail to trust my intuition or my feelings in favor of keeping pace with what I thought was expected of me? How many times did I keep doing something even when it didn’t feel right, or was scared to pursue a heart-felt choice because it wasn’t backed by logic? How many times did I do the condoned thing rather than the right thing for me?

Since that moment in my garage, such intuitive downloads were far and few between, or perhaps more likely, went unnoticed behind the flurry of fear-based thoughts around how to responsibly rear this little human. Pregnancy with my second child inspired a fascination with hypno-birthing which helped me better tune into my inner guidance and bodily wisdom.

And three years ago, after the birth of my third child, I happened across a new modality of energy healing called Marconics. And since then, my intuitive knowing has come to the forefront, to the point where it’s the thing I trust the most. Now, I listen for it all the time. I feel rather than think my choices. I interpret reality through my heart center more than with my thinking faculties. It feels much better, healthier, more aligned with who I really am.

I’m retracing my steps now to see where and when I decided to tune out my intuition. It must have been socialized out of me. I was praised for achievement and warned against trusting my feelings. Any choice had to be backed up by reason and logic and hard data. Feelings were nice for special occasions or intimate moments but not for making life choices.

Yet, despite social pressures, it seems that each of the births of my children have strengthened my intuitive channel. Maybe that’s why they talk about mothers’ intuition.

Sometimes my intuition feels like a sudden yet quiet download like that morning in LA. Sometimes it feels like a gradual blossoming in my heart center and takes time to fully set in. But if I stop and listen, it’s always there.

I know by the deep way it resonates in my heart that it’s the truth.